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Addiction

Understanding a Family Member’s Addiction

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Recognizing Addiction as a Disease

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a disease as a condition that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms. Diseases are progressive, permanent, and fatal. Addiction is progressive because the longer the body uses certain substances, a larger quantity of that substance is needed to produce the desired effects. Addiction is permanent because there is no vaccination or medical cure against it. When a person has cancer, they can be in “remission”, but there is always the chance that it comes back. When somebody is an addict, they may be “recovered” when they no longer have the desire to use drugs, but there is always the chance that it too can come back. Lastly, addiction is fatal. In 2017 alone, there were nearly 30,000 fatal overdoses, and that is only in the United States.

It is important to recognize that your loved one may no longer have a choice over whether or not they use drugs. It may be beyond their mental control. Saying things to them like, “why can’t you just stop” won’t make them change their behavior. Many people must first reach an emotional bottom where the drugs are no longer working in their day to day lives to numb their emotions.

Understanding Codependency

When a loved one is struggling with the disease of addiction, it is common to develop codependent behaviors. In a codependent relationship, one usually has a loving desire to help the addicted person by taking responsibility for the addict’s happiness and actions with the intentions of keeping the individual safe. However, this sort of relationship is not as healthy as it may seem. In fact, it can enable the addict to continue his or her addiction in the long-term. While you feel as though you are protecting the addict by driving them to the bar or to obtain drugs so that they don’t get a DUI, you are actually only enabling them to continue using drugs or drinking.

Codependency may begin to consume the life of the person who is only trying to help. They may begin to put the needs of their loved one ahead of their own, leading to self-neglect. Just like when one is on an airplane that is losing pressure, one cannot help another before making sure his or her own needs are met first.

Hindering Enabling Behaviors and Maintaining Boundaries

After acknowledging a codependent relationship, one must take steps to end the codependency and stop enabling the addiction. It may hurt at first to say no to the old behavior of protecting a loved one, but it is essential. Refusing to participate in codependent behaviors is the toughest – and strongest – way to love an addict. It must be a firmly planted idea that you will no longer support the drug user in their active addiction. The family must allow the addicted person to not only see but to face the consequences of his or her drug use. In an extreme case, if this person does get a DUI, let him or her face the legal consequences. Most addicts will not get help until the consequences of their addiction have become too much to handle alone.

Once these boundaries have been set in place, it is vital to stick to them. If the addict learns that eventually, you will give in to their needs, they will begin to manipulate their loved ones into enabling them once again. Here, the cycle of codependency and enabling starts again.

Work with a Professional

Addiction doesn’t only affect the addict, it deeply affects their family and loved ones as well. One of the most painful things about addiction is watching a loved one who can’t seem to get sober and stay sober. Family therapy is useful in order to understand the mind of the addict, recognize codependency, and help maintain firm boundaries within the relationship. This kind of therapy can help repair relationships among family members and aid in resolving problems. One can learn just how important it is to be assertive when dealing with the addicted family member. Therapy offers a safe place for families and loved ones to heal and cope with the disease of addiction.

Coping with a Loved One Struggling with Addiction

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Signs and Symptoms of Drug Abuse in a Loved One

Signs and symptoms of drug abuse to be aware in your loved ones can be both physical and behavioral.  Each drug has its own unique symptoms of abuse, and vary from drug to drug. However, some general signs that your loved one may be addicted to drugs include:

  • Changes in behavior
  • Withdrawal from family members
  • Red or glassy eyes
  • Mood swings
  • Problems at school or work
  • Runny or stuffy nose
  • Lack of energy or motivation
  • Loss of interest in hobbies, sports, and other favorite activities
  • Changing sleeping pattern
  • Becoming careless about personal grooming
  • Sudden requests for money or a spike in how much money they spend
  • Becoming careless about personal grooming

The Three C’s of Addiction

According to Project Know and the 12 steps of Al-Anon, the three C’s are important for those struggling with a loved one or family member who is facing addiction.

  • I Didn’t Cause It: Good fathers do everything to provide a safe, supportive and loving environment. When dealing with addiction, it’s natural to want to blame someone: especially yourself. As a father, you must understand that you did not cause your loved one’s addiction, no matter how you may feel or what they may say. In the throes of addiction, they may cast blame, but this is simply an attempt to justify addictive behaviors. You can’t control their decisions, so you are not the cause of their addiction.
  • I Can’t Cure It: You also cannot “cure” a loved one suffering from addiction. Scientifically, addiction is viewed as a chronic disease, it can not be cured but can be treated. Severe addiction is not a question of willpower, so attempts to rationalize and cure the disease of addiction is typically a waste of effort. Although sharing your thoughts and feelings, possibly even imposing consequences, are natural reactions, it’s up to your loved one to seek professional treatment.
  • I Can’t Control It: Many fathers believe they can control, or manage, their loved one’s addiction. However, addiction is viewed as a disease because it biologically alters brain chemistry. After a certain time of persistent usage, they are not controlling the substance, the substance controls their thinking which results in subsequent behaviors.

Practicing Self-Care

It is easy to become consumed by a loved ones addiction and drug use.  Constant worry, attempts to help or “save” them can become exhausting.  This can affect your health and well-being as a result.  Practicing self-care must be a priority or you are not of any use to yourself or anyone else. Denial, avoidance or becoming consumed by your loved one’s addiction is never healthy for you and can have detrimental effects.  This can cause you to neglect yourself, your other children, and your family.  Taking a step back from the situation and realizing you are not in control of the situation can be one of the most difficult things for a parent.

Until your loved one is ready to get help your attempts to save them will all be in vain. Working the 12 steps of Al-Anon or receiving therapy for yourself can be incredibly beneficial.  While you may think you are helping a loved one there is a fine line between helping and enabling behaviors.  Addicts often have to reach some sort of bottom and consequences as a result of their actions before they are ready to get help.  At this time getting them professional help is the most effective way to get them the help they need to begin their journey in healing and recovery.

Single Parenthood and Addiction: Recovering at Home

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If you are a single parent struggling with addiction, you know how hard it can be to break away from home for therapy sessions. The standard of weekly group meetings and one-on-one meetings to treat addiction did not have a single parent in mind.

Fortunately, as addiction treatments progress, more resources are becoming available for those with hectic schedules and for people struggling with addiction who have other commitments that make it difficult to participate in traditional in-patient rehabilitation. Provided you do your research and arm yourself with positive treatment strategies, it is possible to recover from addiction with alternative, family-friendly rehabilitation options. Here are a few ways you can tackle your recovery from home.

Phone Sessions

Recovering from an addiction most often requires the help of a trained counselor. However, getting to in-person appointments can be challenging for single parents. Instead, you might want to consider a therapist who offers phone sessions.

Phone sessions are essentially the same counseling you would receive in a face-to-face setting, but instead you are able to call in to participate in a counseling session. A physical session may be somewhat more effective as the therapist is able to observe your expressions and body language, but for those who have no other choice, phone sessions can certainly do their part.

Some therapists are tapping into technology and using tools such as Skype or other video-conferencing services, which enable them to see their patients’ faces while they talk. Essentially, video-conferencing options offer the best of both worlds.

Art Therapy

Finding a counselor to guide home-based rehabilitation is always best, but if paying for counseling is not feasible for you, you might consider trying art therapy. Art therapy is a blanket term for any artistic expression a recovering addict uses in place of substance abuse. For example, when a person feels the urge to use their drug of choice or another substance, they might instead pick up a quilting project.

Art in any form is a wonderful way to distract the mind from cravings, reduce stress, and even spend quality time with children. If your therapeutic activity of choice is kid-friendly, you might include your kids in your recovery process. Spending an hour painting together can be a great activity for family time.

Exercise and Meditation

Exercising in place of substance abuse is a very common component of rehabilitation. The endorphins produced by exercise can lessen cravings for the drug of choice while reducing the stress that might cause a relapse.

Exercising can also become a family activity. Going out on regular hikes with your kids will both help your recovery and provide an enjoyable activity for all members of your family, giving you time to talk about the things going on in your lives and reconnect with one another. However, if you find that you prefer exercise alone or with other adults, then your top priority should be recovery. You can’t be there for your children if you don’t prioritize your recovery.

Meditation is also a good aid in the addiction recovery process. The goal of meditation is to empty the mind which can be very beneficial in fighting cravings. Meditation has also been shown to reduce stress, lessening the chance of relapse.

Recovering at home is achievable for many people who are battling addiction, although it’s important to discuss your unique needs with a qualified healthcare provider or therapist. You will likely have better luck with the help of a guiding counselor, even if you only speak to them over the phone. But if counseling is simply not in the budget, you can recover with the help of a support network and some positive coping strategies. Reach out to friends and family, get the help you need, and focus on beneficial activities such as art, exercise, and meditation.