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Ways To Tell if Your Child Has Scoliosis

July 19, 2021 By Fatherhood Factor Team Leave a Comment

Watching out for your kids is about more than making sure they look both ways when they cross the street. As a parent, you have bigger picture issues to deal with too. As your child gets older, their personalities develop as well as possible health conditions. And one you should look out for is scoliosis. Here are the ways to tell if your child has scoliosis.

What Is Scoliosis?

Scoliosis is a condition of the spine that typically emerges in children and adolescents during growth spurts. The spine grows along with the body, but sometimes it doesn’t grow straight. It might bend to the side or twist: those with an S- or C-shaped spine typically receive a scoliosis diagnosis. About three million new cases occur in the US each year, affecting about 2 percent of kids.

Examine Your Child for Scoliosis

You should examine your child for scoliosis. Their school may perform a test, but early detection is key to treating the condition and preventing it from worsening. To check your child for scoliosis, have them bend over—either without a shirt or in a sports bra—so you can see the curve of their spine. Ask your child to stay in a forward fold while you examine their spine from all angles.

Signs of Scoliosis

Upon examination, you may notice that your child’s spine curves like it is supposed to. But if something looks out of place, it is possibly an indication of a larger issue. Further, you might notice signs of scoliosis without an examination. Signs to watch out for include:

Uneven shoulder blades and shoulders
Crooked hips
Uneven skin folds around the waist or other areas of the back
Bulging muscles or ribs
Unequal distance between the body and arms

Treatment for Scoliosis

Early detection is key to treating scoliosis. If you think your child may have this condition, you should consult with a doctor right away. In addition to an obvious spinal deformity, your child may experience back pain or heart and lung problems that could decrease their quality of life. Know that surgery isn’t your only option. Scoliosis braces for kids are typically the first solution before invasive procedures.

You should know the ways to tell if your child has scoliosis. Leaving it up to your school may mean waiting too long. If you notice any signs of a crooked spine or hips in your child, consult with a doctor right away to avoid further misalignment.

4 Tips For Being in a Relationship with a Single Mother

September 13, 2012 By Ryan Rivera 2 Comments

Generally, fatherhood is something you prepare for. You and a partner either decide to have a child, or when you’re surprised by one you have 9 or so months to get ready for what it takes. Parenting is always harder than most men expect, but the preparation at least allows you to think about how to become a great parent.

When you’re dating – or marrying – a single mother, there’s often considerably less preparation. Not only do you have to try to make a relationship work – you also immediately become someone that has an impact on a child, whether you want to have one or not. Being in a relationship with a single mother means that you’re in a relationship with both her and her kids, and for many men this can feel a little difficult.

How to Be With a Single Mother

The good news is that it’s actually very easy to make these relationship works. You simply have to know how to approach both the relationship and the children, and you’ll find that the relationship will thrive if you’re with the right person. Consider the following tips for improving the success of the relationship.

Talk to Your Partner About Expectations

You and your partner need to understand what the other person is looking for. This is important in any relationship, but especially important when there is a child involved. You need to discuss what she’s looking for, what you’re looking for, and what you both want to do for the child. It’s also important that you both have an understanding that the child cannot be a factor in whether the relationship works. Meaning, if the two of you are struggling as a couple and are not meant to be, you need to end the relationship as you would any other. Staying together for the child will only introduce further stress.

Be An Old Friend Authority Figure, Not a Dad

Most children already have a father, and even in the event the father is not in their life, your role isn’t to replace her father. Your role is to be a really nice guy, while also being an authority figure. Don’t try to take over as dad, especially if the child is affected by their parent’s relationships. Instead, interact with the child when it makes sense. Don’t be afraid to tell them to stop doing something (nicely, of course) if they’re misbehaving, but otherwise let the child get to know you…rather than you doing whatever you can to raise the child.

Find Fun Group Activities

You need a chance to get to know the woman your dating, but you also know that the child is going to be more involved. Ideally, you find date ideas that are fun for everyone. For example, playing mini-golf is something that a lot of men enjoy doing on dates, and it’s also something that works well with kids. This will keep you actively “dating”, while still allowing your partner to be a parent.

Take It Slow

Chances are if you’re with her you’re not playing a game – you’re actually interested in her and being part of her life. Usually when men have that desire, they have the tendency to rush things. In this case, however, you can’t. Don’t expect her to put you first right away. You also shouldn’t expect the child to warm to you for a long time. Be patient with her and the child, and in the meantime work on your own stress and anxiety so that the pace of the relationship doesn’t affect you negatively.

Being a Sudden Father

Your partner’s child has their own personality. Get to know them like you would any child, and don’t be afraid to talk to your partner about your reservations or fears. If you truly care about the woman you’re with, and she cares about you, you’ll easily work through it and eventually be a great male figure in your partner’s child’s life.

A Five-Year Old’s Guide to Embracing Diversity

March 24, 2011 By Keagan Pearson 6 Comments

Have you ever sat quietly and watched how a child interacts with those around them? Not just the superficial glances that we use to assess whether they are still alive, but more of a football game style observation.

Apart from the little spats and occasional crying, they are pretty remarkable at showing genuine interest in each other. And the younger they are, the less they care about the menial things.

Think about it. When was the last time you made friends with someone who had shoes on the wrong feet, a snotty nose, and freshly soiled pants? As adults, this is a combination that would likely lead to nausea, not friendship.

A Personal Study

Although I would like to say that I learned this through my keen sense of child rearing, I’ll avoid lying and simply say that it was a happy accident. One that I stumbled in to…undeserving as I may be.

It was a relatively normal dinner at a friend’s house. The kids were playing. We were engaged in conversation.

As is customary, the girls were involved in an endless procession of dress-up, which meant a steady stream of cat-walk performances.

When the fairies and Disney princesses had finally run their course, they all crashed nearby. However, among the chatting, I overheard my 5-year old make a comment to our friends’ little girl. “S******, I love how curly your hair is and your skin is so pretty!”

No matter the circumstance, this is enough to melt any dad’s heart. What made it even more profound was that the little girl was (and still is of course;)) biracial. Her mom being of Italian decent and her dad being African American.

My daughter didn’t notice her as being different for the sake of being different, but she saw her as being uniquely beautiful. She genuinely cherished her friend’s diversity.

Now, I will admit that we have a lot of diverse people in our lives as a family. Our friends, our church family, our community; they have worked together to create a cultural tapestry of sorts.

This has certainly fostered a sense of acceptance within my girls, but it merely creates the atmosphere.

What’s staggering is how pure and sincere they are. And in the midst of all this, we dads are left with a lesson we can’t help but learn.

Teaching an Old Dog New Tricks

What we have the opportunity to learn is this:

Despite our diversity, there is commonality between all of us. Cultural, racial, socio-economic…these are simply attributes to be welcomed.
Our differences simply make us more meaningful. Really…try befriending someone with stark cultural differences. If they don’t become more meaningful to you…well…then you may in fact be dead.
We learn more from those whose experiences are unfamiliar. Think about the most interesting people you have met. I would venture to guess that their experiences are significantly different from your own.
Our perceptions need a chance to be overthrown. When we involve ourselves with diverse people, our perceptions will often get a much needed beat-down. As should be the destiny for all the ignorant parts of our lives.
We get a good gauge of the effectiveness of our parenting. If your kids are embracing those around them, regardless of their differences…then you’re getting some important things right.

How about you?

Do you live a life among diverse people?

What are your thoughts on its affect on your children?

Try it out…I bet you’ll be surprised at how much your kids will teach you.

Five Reasons Why A Dad Can Never Quit

January 21, 2011 By Keagan Pearson Leave a Comment

Unless you were severely neglected as a child, or possibly raised by a pack of wolves, it’s likely that you’ve heard the rallying cry to “Never Quit”.

Having been raised by a single mom, I not only heard this but I saw it acted out with a voracious determination every day. Needless to say, this kind of thinking was ingrained from an early age.

Unfortunately, modeling through encouragement and right behavior doesn’t always leave us with a clear understanding of “why.”

This is especially troubling when you actually face a challenge that can’t be quickly overcome. If you have a pulse, you know exactly what I’m talking about. When something doesn’t come easily, the least painful option is to simply quit.

Of course this is flawed thinking…but flawed thought can be so comforting.

Switching to Dad Mode

As is customary in parenting, our hope as dads is to avoid obscurity and plainly teach the value perseverance.

Now, this doesn’t mean we start cracking skulls when little Johnny says he doesn’t like football anymore. However, it may mean finishing off the season instead of throwing in the pads part way through.

It also may mean that we need to spend some time in thought about why Junior wants out. Could we, in our fatherly bumbling, be contributing to this? Maybe the half-hearted nature we display is rubbing off?

This could true, or we could just have a child that is extremely unmotivated.

No matter the cause, there are a several reasons for us to take our endeavors seriously:

1. Our kids will think we’re losers. Okay, “loser” may be a stretch. But, there is a certain amount of success that can be taught by our willingness to finish strong. It may not mean that we come out on top, but it will certainly mean that we kept pressing until we fulfilled our commitment.

2. We can create talking points for discussion. The whole point is that you create opportunities to dialog on the “why” of your actions. Having both victories and defeats, means that we can from a position of influence.

3. We remove hypocrisy from our parenting. Have you ever tried to encourage your child in something when you have zero practical experience yourself? Instead of trying to pull the “do as I say, not as I do” trick, you might try actually practicing your own advice.

4. Our families deserve our best effort. Sure, we sacrifice allot for our families…but they deserve every one! This means that when we make a go of it, we prove to them that they are worth our determination.

5. We just might grow in the process. It’s shocking, I know! When we finish what we start, it’s nearly impossible to miss out on growth and maturity.

Quitting Compared to Discovery

Let me be clear…there is a difference between quitting and moving on out of necessity. There comes a time in every dad’s life when you realize that a particular job, hobby, or sport, doesn’t quite fit any longer.

The trick is to differentiate between them. If your motives are right, then you can confidently teach your kids to do the same.

It may be a little daunting, but I know that you can do it (insert awkward man hug here)!

Spying: A Violation or Just Good Parenting?

October 28, 2010 By Keagan Pearson Leave a Comment

It’s amazing how much discussion can be initiated when it gets a little attention!

Several weeks ago I participated in a television news spot and an online panel surrounding social media and the family. Since that time, I have been drawn into some interesting conversations about the depth of a parent’s involvement in their kids’ social lives.

Some have agreed that it’s a parent’s responsibility to know what their kids are doing and to do it with them. Others have drawn on the outrage of their past lives. Because of obsessive parents, they have become “hands off.” Still, others have combined these two and developed a strategy of stealth parenting. By breaking out the camouflage face paint and lurking in the bushes, they believe that they are affording a sense if privacy without the unfortunate after taste.

What Kind Of Parent Are You?

Now, I admit that the social lives of my daughter’s are pretty benign, and on the web they’re non-existent. For them, a solid social event involves a play date that doesn’t end with soiled clothing.

However, my oldest is growing older at light speed. I am not entirely sure how it happened, but eating random things off the floor has now transitioned in to meticulous grooming and preening. To say that she has become aware of her ability to do things on her own would be an understatement!

I have officially started to get the horrified looks when I ask if she needs help getting dressed. Not to mention the apparent ignorance that I display when I attempt to refill her water cup. She is five going on eighteen and I hear it when I fail to remember.

But, along with this growing maturity has come an ability to explain why dad needs to be involved in certain things. I can quickly prove that the complicated fastening system on her dress needs my attention. Likewise, she understands the reason why dad insists on hand holding when we are near a busy street.

It is pretty juvenile at this point, but it translates very well in to discussions with older kids nonetheless.

Instead of sneaking the Facebook password or eavesdropping on phone calls, open up a dialog with them!

Explain how the monitoring software on the computer protects them from predators and cyber bullying….and from themselves at times. In short, make sure that they understand the “why” in your actions.

You need to build trust with your kids, but that doesn’t happen when you go government agent on them. Nor does it happen when you become a buddy and fail to be their parent.

Just A Little Aside

If there is one thing that I have learned, both as a kid and as a dad, it is that all of this needs to be done in a manner that is considerate of age and past behavior.

Your responsible 18 year-old should probably have more latitude than that of your reckless tween; unless of course you’re hoping for resentment….and possible bloodshed.

If your kids demonstrate that they can handle more wiggle room, then give it to them. That will build trust and it will give you some great teaching moments along the way.

The Trick in Helping Your Kids Find Their Passion

September 18, 2010 By Keagan Pearson 3 Comments

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who really reeked of resentment and lost opportunity from the past? Besides leaving you wishing for the sweet release of death, these conversations normally offer you a very important takeaway: If you get caught up in the past, you will most certainly lose sight of what’s to come.

Unfortunately, when this trap ensnares a fellow dad, it often manifests itself in the form of living vicariously through your children. We all know how “little Johnny” loves the fact that dad makes him play football because he never got to. Or how about the three hours of piano lessons because dad is convinced that if he had been pushed like this he would have ended up in Juilliard.

But guess what? It isn’t about you! As parents, we are tasked with the responsibility of encouraging the talents and abilities of our children, not superimposing our own.

Why Passion Is Practical

I suppose that there will always be some that thumb their noses at the relevancy that passions play in our lives. We should be teaching our kids to make practical choices right? But who is to say what is practical? You may get lucky and your idea of practicality might actually play into your child’s strengths. But what if it doesn’t? Could it mean that you may have to alter your perception a bit?

If only passion were practical right? Oh….but it is!

If you are doubtful, then do yourself a favor and pick up “Now, Discover Your Strengths,” co-authored by Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton. Centered on a 2 million person study conducted by Gallup, the book dialogs on the makeup of strengths and how our attention towards these can drastically increase our effectiveness in life. In essence, the authors argue that if we are to enjoy and succeed in what we do, we need to be engaged in the areas of our talents and passions.

For you visual learners out there: talents + passion + experience = strengths -> = effectiveness. I don’t know about you, but to me that screams practicality!

How Do You Do It!

First, let me reassure you that you aren’t going to need to get a degree to figure this out. What you are going to need is a discerning eye and a willingness to become a student of your children.

Watch them. What do they gravitate toward? Are they particularly fond of a certain subject in school? Do they have an affinity for words and reading? Do they tend to seek excitement and adventure? Maybe helping others invigorates them. Whatever the outcome, the importance is that you identify these attributes and then help your kids facilitate their growth.

The awesome reality here is that these passions can take many forms. You might have a child whose gifts lead them to a rewarding career in accounting, while the other ends up as a missionary on the other side of the globe. And, do you know what? You’ll know that it was the right thing either way!

A Readers Review (Grace Based Parenting.3)

August 21, 2010 By Keagan Pearson Leave a Comment

There is something very powerful in contemplating the “bottom line.” Whether or not you realize it, there is a bottom line for pretty much everything we do. Even when we find ourselves wondering aimlessly, there was an original purpose. In fact, our knowing the reason for our activity and the end result of our actions is often what drives us to continue on.

So, what is the parenting bottom line? Okay, so it’s in the title of the book…GRACE! Apart from being the overall theme, chapter two is largely centered on how this should play out in the family. As Dr. Kimmel does so well, he presents the premise for his argument through the lens of “grace’s eternal appeal to the human heart.” If grace is to be the basis for our parenting method, then it should color our approach to discipline, handling kids’ fears, and dealing with their little quirks and idiosyncrasies. Of course, this is a central theme for any Christian. It seems only logical that the greatest grace given to us should be what we extend to our children.

Turning Toxic

A good portion of the rest of chapter two is dedicated to Dr. Kimmel fleshing out two very different interactions that assault grace from either side.

The first interaction found Dr. Kimmel at a church event where a couple hundred high school-aged kids were gathered to sing and listen to worship music. Now, for those that have not experienced a youth worship service, this is not normally the kind of music where solemn faces sing old songs from a hymnal (which are honestly very good from time to time). We are talking about a full on band with loud guitars, banging drums, and someone tearing up the keyboards. Understandably, this is not for everyone. However, Dr. Kimmel’s experience with a particular dad at the event really pushed the envelope.

This dad, having been standing near Dr. Kimmel and knowing that he wrote books on parenting, began to vocalize his disgust. Overall, the dad began to ravage the vast majority of the kids because they didn’t fit into his narrow interpretation of appropriate Christian behavior. Without even knowing most of them, this father was making a judgment on their spiritual health from their engagement in a church event that he didn’t approve of. According to Dr. Kimmel, this father “was elevating his personal taste to a level of biblical authority.” Thankfully, Dr. K wasn’t forced into applying the latest UFC grappling technique and things ended quietly.

On the opposite side of the spectrum was a very different experience altogether. After giving a message on his grace based parenting book, Dr. Kimmel was invited to the home of a couple that attended the event. While the parents got things ready for dinner, he took the opportunity to get to know their kids (two boys and one girl). After finding out the oldest boy was a musician, he was invited up to see the boys room where he had multiple guitars, amps, and some stage equipment stockpiled for their next gig. To Dr. Kimmel’s surprise, the teenager also had several half-naked posters on his wall. Shortly after, he heard the two brothers get into a verbal brawl that was laced with language that “would have easily taken a movie to an R rating.”

After eating dinner, Dr. Kimmel was offered a ride back to the airport for his flight home. As he walked through the living room he glanced at the television to see if he could catch the score of the football game. As he squinted at the score he couldn’t help but notice that the couples 15 year-old daughter was lying on top of her boyfriend doing….well, I guess I don’t need to spell that one out. Needless to say, the ride back to the airport left Dr. Kimmel with an opportunity to ask some questions about the couples’ parenting approach. Surprisingly, the man indicated that he and his wife really subscribed to the grace model! Somehow, they had adapted the idea that to exercise grace meant to avoid moral constraint at all costs. In reality, what the couple had done was cheapen the concept of grace….insert Romans 6:1-2 here!

Method Over Madness

Over and over this chapter called for a focus on your method of delivery. Grace allows us to temper ourselves when we react to things that may not be of monumental importance. On the other hand, it also allows us to maintain adherence to the things of God that we cannot afford to circumvent. As Dr. Kimmel puts it, “There is a place for rules, even for strictness, in a grace-based home, but how they are presented makes all the difference on how they are received.”

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