Fatherhood Factor

For all the "dealings" of dads...

Dads With Daughters

6 Tips for Engaging with your Anxious Teenage Daughter

By Leave a Comment

As a parent, it can be difficult to completely understand the struggles that your daughter goes through during her teenage years. This time can be especially tough for fathers of daughters dealing with anxiety. Teens with anxiety may be more likely to shut down and feel overwhelmed. But despite the communication barrier between you and your teenage daughter, there is still some light at the end of the tunnel—the bond that you share. Here are 6 tips for stay engaged with your anxious teenage daughter.

Don’t Be Judgmental

Many teenage girls with anxiety struggle talking to their fathers about their issues because they’re scared of being judged. One of the best ways to open the lines of communication and build trust with your daughter is to avoid passing harsh judgment when she opens up about things that are going on in her life. While this may not always be easy to do, it’s essential that you keep an open mind in order to build trust.

Give Her Some Personal Space

It’s normal to want to be as involved in your daughter’s life as possible. However, as she goes through her teenage years, she’ll probably begin to push you away a bit. Allow her to have as much space as possible. It can be difficult to give her the space she needs, but it’s important. These are the years when she’s trying to figure out who she is, who she wants to be, and where she belongs. 

Build Trust by Giving Her Responsibility

Most teenagers are in a rush to grow up. Giving your daughter some adult-like responsibilities around the house can be a great way to prepare her for the future while also keeping her mind away from anxious thoughts. You can show her how to fix things around the house, when to call a repairman if an appliance breaks, and ask for her input on home decor projects.

Stay Calm

It can be easy to overreact in certain situations, especially if your daughter is sharing shocking news. Still, you should do your best to remain calm when interacting with your daughter. The way you react to things can put a strain on your relationship, and maybe even damage it. Try to avoid yelling and harsh language—doing so will help create a safe space for her to open up.

Avoid Unattainable Expectations

The fear of disappointing you may be a huge part of why your daughter feels anxious. By removing expectations surrounding what she should do and who she should be, you can help lessen those feelings of anxiety. But this doesn’t mean that there shouldn’t be things you want for your daughter, it just means that you shouldn’t pressure her with your expectations.

Be a Good Listener

Your daughter may not want to talk often, but when she does, she’s going to want someone to listen to her. Practice active listening when your daughter takes the time to share something with you. This will help you get to know her better while also allowing her to feel confident that you’re interested in what she has to say.

Helping your daughter get through her teenage years can come with a lot of stress. But if you’re able to effectively engage with each other, you’ll learn that the experience can be more pleasant that you ever imagined.

Things That Every Considerate Father Does to His Daughter’s Suitor

By Leave a Comment

“They all grow up so fast.” – that’s the rudimentary response you’ll hear from every proud parent.

Indeed, there’s a lot of truth to that statement. The concept of time is somehow altered when you have kids. Everything seems fast-tracked, from the moment you first changed their diapers to that marriage announcement of theirs.

But before marriage can consummate, parents will have their rightful say about the people their children date. Fathers naturally tend to be stringent and picky with the qualities of a man that pursues her daughter.

It may be slightly awkward on the first encounter, but here’s what every considerate dad will do upon interacting with her daughter’s love interest:

#1: Acknowledges the guy

Whether it’s a brief handshake or a basic eyebrow nod, considerate fathers give every person a chance to prove himself – including his daughter’s suitor.

That simple gesture can pay huge dividends not just for him, but the whole family. First, he doesn’t have to waste time and energy assuming that ‘cruel guy’ image, who prejudices and ridicules a person without sound cause.

Second, he’ll command more respect and endearment from his daughter and his entire family, simply because he handled the situation like every fine, middle-aged man would.

As a father, you don’t necessarily have to be the best of buddies with the guy; you just have to pay the same amount of respect that you usually exhibit on every family visitor.

#2: Asks him the questions that matter

The university he’s in, his socioeconomic background, and his aspirations in life – these things are often asked on the first house visit.

But as a considerate father, who’s main priority is to find his daughter’s ultimate and rightful soulmate, you should unravel his answers to these truth-seeking questions:

  • How do you handle conflict?
  • What makes you think you’re ready for this kind of commitment?
  • Why my daughter?
  • What makes you think you’ll be the best husband material for my daughter?
  • Would you consider marriage counseling if there are debacles along your way?

His answers to these questions are intended to unmask his values as a man. Can he suppress negative emotions? Does he only value your daughter’s surface value, or does he genuinely love her character?

Is he mentally and physically ready for a relationship? Does he run away when the going gets tough or exhausts everything he’s got to save it?

Lastly, is he really worthy of your daughter’s love?

These questions may be blunt and very straightforward, but you’ll know your daughter may have found a keeper when the guy answers it wholeheartedly, rather than laughing at it.

#3: Occasionally invites the guy over

A considerate – and wise – father puts a premium in consistency. The guy may have made a good impression in your first encounter with him, but you must realize that he may have rehearsed answers to your questions, or plotted carefully his moves.

Utilize the element of surprise. For instance, invite him to dinner a few hours before, to see if he’s willing to brave the city traffic just to make it. If he gives a lame excuse, then that can be a clear red flag for inconsistency.

By inviting the guy, though irregularly, you can better assess the parallelism between the guy he’s portraying and the guy he really is.

#4: Respects the guy’s efforts

Some fathers just like to shove the effort of their daughter’s suitors right at their faces. This is especially true when the latter gifts his daughter and his family (including him) on special occasions like birthdays or Christmas.

Rather than rejecting the gift, or feeding it in the trash bin, why not consider accepting and using it? At the end of the day, no person wants his efforts and spending to go for absolute naught.

A considerate father understands that respect begets respect, that’s why he’s the champion of his family.

#5: Leaves the ultimate decision to his daughter

A confident and considerate father trusts the way she raised her daughter of legal age – believing that the intuitions and values he instilled are enough to enable her to make the right choices, particularly on relationships and marriage.

You just don’t disapprove of his suitor, because he’s gnarly or not on the same economic level as your family. You can always share your genuine impressions of the guy, but not force her to take a course of action she wouldn’t want.

As a wrap-up, considerate fathers don’t sweat much or raise an eyebrow in disapproval when they heard that their daughter’s suitor will be meeting them. They give the guy a fair fighting chance while being confident that his daughter is equipped with the ability to dispose of the fellow, if she ever sees or discovers something about him that’s wholly unacceptable by every standard.

Are you that father?

The Sole Source of Testosterone; Fathering Girls without Becoming One

By Leave a Comment

There are specific reasons why a man longs to have a son.

There’s football in the backyard and fishing on the weekends, and undoubtedly a few trips to the movie theater for the latest action flick. You also get to look forward to that special moment when you get to teach your son the tactical advantage of peeing standing up.

There are the intrinsic things that a dad is especially wired to pass along to a boy as well. Things like imparting your wisdom about the opposite sex and teaching them what it means to be a gentlemen.

The landscape between a father and his son is deep and wide, and fraught with success and failure. But, it is still uniquely theirs.

Estrogen Overload

Conversely, consider the guy who finds himself in a house full of women…to no fault of his own. The guy whose little swimmers couldn’t quite grow a set. The guy who, after an unexpected blow to the groin, will only ever hear, “Ouch, I hurt my bagina!”

That man has a long road ahead of him. He is often faced with “girly nights” and “dance parades,” and the occasional request to paint his fingers and toes. A man such as this must take special care of his “maleness.” Because at any moment, if he’s not careful, he could find himself tearing up after an especially moving performance on “So You Think You Can Dance?”

I must admit…I am such a man. With a wife and three daughters, I know a little something about carrying the man-flag…solo. It doesn’t signify a lack of love, because most dads I know would do anything for their little girls. It is more a matter of sanity really.

You see men are never fully equipped to handle a constant onslaught of female interaction…in all its complexity and emotion. We are capable of small, varied doses, but that’s only after periods of solitude and/or a time of male bonding. Only then are we prepared for another round.

Take Care and Prepare

So if you find yourself in a position where guy-time is only a figment of your imagination, then take note of a few things that will help you recharge.

  1. Create your own space. If room permits, carve out a place that you can call your own. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, but it must be a place where you can retreat.
  2. You need to schedule time. You fill your calendar with all kinds of things, but some of that time needs to be carved out for guy stuff. If it’s not on the calendar it probably won’t happen.
  3. Find guys that know your plight. This means finding other guys with the same kinds of obligations. Grownups with families…not single friends that will most assuredly lead you down a dark path.
  4. Battle the bulge. I have found that one of the fastest ways for me to recharge is to work out. It could be a full-on P90X kind of thing or it could be a walk around the neighborhood. Just remember the man-tunes.
  5. Exercise a hobby. We all have something we’re passionate about. It may be tempting to abandon our pursuits when our lives get hectic, but that would be a mistake. Small or large, they are important.
  6. Get your girls involved. Test out something you love with one of your daughters. Things are usually pretty soothing when it’s one-on-one. Plus, you never know which one might actually like something that you like!
  7. Don’t feel bad. Every dad needs some guy time. This isn’t a license to become self-obsessed, but you needn’t feel neglectful just because you spend some time away.

Face the Music

The first step is admitting that you have a problem. You’re a dad with an estrogen-filled home and you need to do something about it. Running away is not an option, nor is trading in one of your daughters for a son…at least not in this country.

You just need to create some space and get your mojo back. Then, once you’re in the mix again, love those little girls with everything you have. You’ll be a better dad because of it!