Daughters

The Sole Source of Testosterone; Fathering Girls without Becoming One

April 1, 2012 By Keagan Pearson Leave a Comment

There are specific reasons why a man longs to have a son.

There’s football in the backyard and fishing on the weekends, and undoubtedly a few trips to the movie theater for the latest action flick. You also get to look forward to that special moment when you get to teach your son the tactical advantage of peeing standing up.

There are the intrinsic things that a dad is especially wired to pass along to a boy as well. Things like imparting your wisdom about the opposite sex and teaching them what it means to be a gentlemen.

The landscape between a father and his son is deep and wide, and fraught with success and failure. But, it is still uniquely theirs.

Estrogen Overload

Conversely, consider the guy who finds himself in a house full of women…to no fault of his own. The guy whose little swimmers couldn’t quite grow a set. The guy who, after an unexpected blow to the groin, will only ever hear, “Ouch, I hurt my bagina!”

That man has a long road ahead of him. He is often faced with “girly nights” and “dance parades,” and the occasional request to paint his fingers and toes. A man such as this must take special care of his “maleness.” Because at any moment, if he’s not careful, he could find himself tearing up after an especially moving performance on “So You Think You Can Dance?”

I must admit…I am such a man. With a wife and three daughters, I know a little something about carrying the man-flag…solo. It doesn’t signify a lack of love, because most dads I know would do anything for their little girls. It is more a matter of sanity really.

You see men are never fully equipped to handle a constant onslaught of female interaction…in all its complexity and emotion. We are capable of small, varied doses, but that’s only after periods of solitude and/or a time of male bonding. Only then are we prepared for another round.

Take Care and Prepare

So if you find yourself in a position where guy-time is only a figment of your imagination, then take note of a few things that will help you recharge.

Create your own space. If room permits, carve out a place that you can call your own. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, but it must be a place where you can retreat.
You need to schedule time. You fill your calendar with all kinds of things, but some of that time needs to be carved out for guy stuff. If it’s not on the calendar it probably won’t happen.
Find guys that know your plight. This means finding other guys with the same kinds of obligations. Grownups with families…not single friends that will most assuredly lead you down a dark path.
Battle the bulge. I have found that one of the fastest ways for me to recharge is to work out. It could be a full-on P90X kind of thing or it could be a walk around the neighborhood. Just remember the man-tunes.
Exercise a hobby. We all have something we’re passionate about. It may be tempting to abandon our pursuits when our lives get hectic, but that would be a mistake. Small or large, they are important.
Get your girls involved. Test out something you love with one of your daughters. Things are usually pretty soothing when it’s one-on-one. Plus, you never know which one might actually like something that you like!
Don’t feel bad. Every dad needs some guy time. This isn’t a license to become self-obsessed, but you needn’t feel neglectful just because you spend some time away.

Face the Music

The first step is admitting that you have a problem. You’re a dad with an estrogen-filled home and you need to do something about it. Running away is not an option, nor is trading in one of your daughters for a son…at least not in this country.

You just need to create some space and get your mojo back. Then, once you’re in the mix again, love those little girls with everything you have. You’ll be a better dad because of it!

Teaching Your Daughters True Beauty and Real Fitness

December 18, 2011 By Keagan Pearson Leave a Comment

As a dad of three little girls, I often find myself cringing at our culture’s concept of female beauty and fitness.

Just turn on the Disney channel and spend a few minutes watching some of their programming. You’ll quickly see what I mean.

Although some shows do a better job than others, the stereotypical figures are slender, petite, and blemish free.

Never mind what is portrayed on prime-time with more adult programming.

What’s The Goal?

Well, you can choose to avoid raising healthy daughters, or you can adopt the norm and hope that your girls aren’t scarred too deeply by trying to be someone they’re not.

Personally, I would suggest picking up a helpful book with the right message.

The idea however, is to pick up something that teaches both the parents and the child.

Enter “The Girl’s Fitness Guide” by Muresan, Morar, and Hawkins.

With the combination of a retired NBA basketball player, a health and fitness expert, and a writer, parents are afforded a guide of how to teach their girls a healthy lifestyle. All the while the girls are encouraged through practical application and technique.

Even for the daughter that may be too young to comprehend, this book is something that can easily be re-taught after you’ve consumed the information yourself.

A thorough Teaching

Now, I may be a little biased towards the topic of exercise because I personally enjoy it and believe in its benefits.

With that being said, this book doesn’t discriminate or cater towards either of the two groups…with those being the knowledgeable fitness enthusiast and the dad that knows very little of the subject.

And trust me, even as a dad that is pretty solid in my understanding of physical fitness, I need to be reminded of how my thinking sometimes needs to change as it relates to my daughters.

So, regardless of depth that you may or may not have in this area, you and your girls can expect to grow wiser in twelve areas.

Those being:

The Circles of Fitness. The culmination of exercise, body care, and nutrition.
The Fact that Muscles Make it Happen. This is a break-down of the major muscle groups and their function.
Exercise – The Big Picture. What it means to exercise and the make-up of exercise (cardiovascular, resistance, and flexibility).
Warming Up and Stretching. The reason for performing these prior to exercise.
Stretches. Actual diagrams of what stretches to perform.
Aerobic Exercise. An overview and what constitutes an exercise as aerobic (running, biking, etc.).
Resistance Exercise. Also an overview and what constitutes resistance (weight training) exercise.
Exercises. This includes examples and diagrams of both aerobic and resistance exercise and the proper way to accomplish both.
Nutrition. You will learn proper nutrition guidelines and the break-down of what your girls should be eating to remain healthy and active (not how to achieve the figure on the cover of the latest tween magazine).
Body Care. This includes body hygiene, oral hygiene, and sleep hygiene.
Putting it all Together. How all of these areas come together to represent the totality of fitness.
7-Day Exercise Program. Some practical ways to put the lessons in to a weekly routine.

Take a Deep Breath

As if being a dad wasn’t complicated enough, now you have to teach your daughters (and sons) how to be healthy and physically fit?

I’m afraid so…

But, the great thing about this fitness guide is that these things can often be done right in your own home.

Unless their activity level demands it, the book suggests that things begin slowly and with little more than some exercise clothes and some empty floor space.

This is especially true for the younger girls, because with too much exercise (especially resistance training), there can be damage done to their maturing bodies.

How about You?

Are there things you would suggest for raising girls with a proper concept of true beauty and real fitness?

Maybe you have a story of things gone awry, or maybe one that suggests great success?

Either way, give us your ideas in the comment section below.

Just remember, be smart, pick up this fitness guide, and join your kids in this journey of staying physically fit!

More from this Publisher

For more from this author check out their website, Boy’s and Girl’s Guide Books, and their blog at Growing Up Smart. You can also connect with them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter for additional information.

“Dad, He’s my Boyfriend”; Preparing your Kids for the Opposite Sex

November 6, 2011 By Keagan Pearson 4 Comments

As a dad there are several things that can cause stress.

The mortgage, the job, random bug infestations…all of which have ways of being resolved.

How about child related stress?

There’s the endless messes, the screaming, the crying…and of course, the opposite sex.

As a dad of three girls, the last point gives me pause.

Having once been an adolescent, I know first-hand the perils that lie before me.

That’s not to say that every little boy is a deviant spawn of Satan (that’s the daddy of daughters talking again). But, the issue of sexuality in boys is a very different beast than that found in girls.

As a young man, void of the Christian convictions that I enjoy today, I recall my intentions towards the opposite sex. And unfortunately, many of those intentions were cause to make a father worry.

Even with a mom that taught me to respect women, the lack of a solid fatherly example left a huge chasm in relating to the fairer sex.

Then you add on the highly sexualized nature of our society, the accessibility of things like pornography, and the trivial mindset we have towards relationships, and…enter the nauseous feeling in my gut.

It’s Like Walking a Tightrope

Like the majority of parenting, coaching your kids through appropriate relationships with the opposite sex can be precarious.

Just like a tightrope, leaning too drastically towards one side causes you to lose your perspective and eventually plummet to your death…well not literally, but you get the point.

As parents, you’ve probably witnessed real life examples of this.

On one side you have the parents that adorn their kids with GPS and a shock collar. On the other you have those that slap a condom in their child’s hand and cross their fingers in hopes that they don’t have too use it.

It certainly doesn’t take a rocket scientist to acknowledge that both of these options lack something to be desired.

The trick is to keep your balance and stay consistent in your messaging. And by the way, you might want to try to conduct yourself in a way that encourages the behavior that you want them to emulate. Just a crazy thought…

So what does it Look Like?

As not to propagate a pipe-dream, there is no magical formula.

However, there are some solid principles that will aid you in your journey.

Remain active in the lives of your kids. You can’t correct something when you have no clue what’s going on.
Talk openly about sexuality in your home. Armed with a biblical perspective of sex and relationships, I encourage dialog that allows me to teach my daughters about appropriate interaction and the pitfalls of sexuality being misapplied.
Train your kids in the nuances of male and female sexuality. Boys and girls are wired very differently and with good reason. But, these differences can have devastating consequences if handled with ignorance.
Live out the example. This cannot be overstated. If you want to teach your kids how to interact with the opposite sex, in the right way, with the right intentions, then show them. Trust me, your kids are wise to your hypocrisy.
Educate yourself. If you’re going to teach your kids then you need to know the material. Read books, subscribe to a blog, and spend time with those wiser than yourself.

With the understanding that the opposite sex can both build up and destroy, you can’t afford to be a lukewarm dad. You need to commit…no matter the challenge.

How have you done in this area?

Do you have some insights that might help?

Maybe this has been a strength in your parenting?

Maybe it has been a real burden?

Regardless of your experience, I encourage you to give us our thoughts in the comments section. Some true and honest conversation will benefit us all.