Fatherhood

Top Father’s Day Tips for Divorced Parents

June 3, 2022 By Fatherhood Factor Team Leave a Comment

After a divorce settlement is final, the work of managing child custody and support arrangements begins. Holidays can still feel strained, even if your divorce settlement spelled the matter out in detail.

Holidays that celebrate parenthood are especially fraught. It might feel like something is missing or diminished. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Consider these top Father’s Day tips for divorced parents.

It’s Not About You

Parent holidays are not actually about parents. They’re about kids. These observances are a chance for your kids to show you how much they love and appreciate you and to celebrate their connection with you, despite your divorce.

Make a big fuss over homemade cards and gifts. Your kids worked hard on them, and their hearts are invested in what they’ve made for you. Regardless of whether your ex was involved, let your child know how much you appreciate their effort.

Communicate Ahead of Time

Perhaps the top Father’s Day tip for divorced parents is communication and planning. If you have an every-other-weekend arrangement and Father’s Day falls on your partner’s weekend, see if you can agree ahead of time to trade weekends so that you can spend Father’s Day with your kids.

If it doesn’t work out, be generous about it. When you’re a Dad, every day is Father’s Day, so reassure your kids that you’ll have a great celebration when it’s your turn for the kids to stay with you.

If You Can’t Be There Physically, Be There Virtually

When it comes to relationships, technology leaves much to be desired. But if it is your only option, make the best of it. Schedule a time to meet online via your preferred app, and plan some online games you can share with your kids. The web is full of sites that provide free games you can share, from trivia to word games to charades.

Try Something New

Accept that you can’t recreate what Father’s Day used to be. Create a new tradition with your kids. Go to a movie, take a hike, visit a zoo, play a board game, or take in a kid-friendly exhibit at a museum. Make a meal together, listen to their kind of music, teach them a new skill, or share a hobby with them.

Money Is Not the Point

Don’t fret if your budget is tight, as it is for most divorced parents. What your kids want is time with you. Maximize your time with your kids in a way that has nothing to do with expensive toys or gadgets.

Be Flexible

Whatever you’ve planned, keep it age appropriate. If you’ve got a teenager, factor some eye-rolling into the day. Don’t disrupt care routines for toddlers. They’ll love you no matter what, but it won’t seem that way if they miss a nap.

If your kids are not thrilled with your ideas for the day, don’t sulk—pivot. Find some other way to spend the day that gives them the time with you they want and lets you be the Dad you want to be.

The Best Dog Breeds for a Family With Young Children

March 29, 2022 By Fatherhood Factor Team Leave a Comment

When you’re ready to add a four-legged family member, you may wonder which breed will be best. When you have kids, that adds to the complexity of your decision. There are many beautiful dogs to choose from, including beagles, Irish setters, and collies. These are the best dog breeds for a family with young children.

Labrador Retriever

There is a reason that the Labrador retriever is the most popular dog breed in the United States. They are extremely friendly, highly trainable, and patient. The Labrador retriever is also a versatile breed. They enjoy dock diving, hunting, tracking, and obedience.

Labs are regular shedders and need weekly brushing. They are great with kids and love being active. Labrador retrievers also play reasonably well with other dogs as long as there’s supervision.

Beagle

Beagles make excellent family dogs because of their small size, easy-to-maintain coats, and intelligence. Personality-wise, beagles are curious, merry, and friendly. They are great with kids and get along with other dogs.

Beagles need plenty of exercise, so they’re an excellent dog choice for you if you have an active family.

Irish Setter

The Irish setter gained popularity in the 18th century. Another breed that’s great for active families, the Irish setter loves spending time outdoors and is full of energy.

They’re seasonal shedders and need weekly grooming. Find a local professional groomer to help keep your dog’s coat clean and shiny. Irish setters are excellent with kids and other pups. They also respond well to training and are wonderfully sweet-natured.

French Bulldog

The French bulldog is one of the world’s most popular dog breeds. They’re an easy-going breed, perfect for families, and they respond well to training. French bulldogs love to play with other dogs, kids, and adults.

They don’t require a lot of exercise, and a brisk walk will help keep them trim. They require occasional grooming and respond well to training.

Collies

Collies are affectionate, loyal, and known for their legendary herding skills. If your family loves being outside, the high-energy collie will make a great addition to your family. When they aren’t moving around, they enjoy being chill. Collies are lovely with kids and require occasional grooming.

Many dogs are out there ready and waiting to find their forever families. Understanding the best dog breeds for a family with young children will help you make an educated decision. Refer back to this article if you need to.

Dad Tips: Ways to Be a Better Role Model for Your Children

July 17, 2018 By Anne Davis Leave a Comment

Society is changing, and along with that comes the roles and responsibilities within the household. It used to be that dads went to work and brought home the bacon while mom stayed home making sure everything was in its place and tending to the needs of the children. Now, moms are making headway in the corporate world and dads are taking a more active and hands-on approach to raising their children. The dynamic shift can be great for your children. They now have the love, affection, and care of both parents which helps them to be more well-rounded individuals.

Part of being in your kids’ lives more, however, means setting the right example. Whether you know it or not, your children are looking at you as an example of who they should be and how they should act in life. Having a more prevalent presence in their lives means watching your actions and making adjustments that more effectively show your children what it means to be a positive adult. To be the awesome dad and someone your children admire, consider these actions to become a better role model.

Kill Negative Behaviors

Drinking, partying, using drugs, lots of people do it as a form of “release”. However, if these addictive behaviors get out of hand, it could lead to addiction. As addiction is a family disease that can impact not only you but the health and well-being of your family, it is probably best that you stop such negative activities. It doesn’t mean you can’t go out to the bar for a few drinks with the guys, but if you’re partying days are starting to outshine your role as a father, you may need to get help from sources like hotelcaliforniabythesea.com to kick the habits and get back on the right path.

Take Care of Yourself

There’s this weird misconception that guys are pretty unkempt human beings. That if it weren’t for the women in their lives, they’d probably never shower or clean up a day in their lives. As false as this is, you don’t want your children to get caught up in it. They should see you taking care of yourself regularly. From showering and shaving to participating in social activities and having down time to yourself. Self-care will be imperative to them throughout life and you can show them how it’s done.

Tend to Your Relationship

Whether you are with your children’s mother or not, it is imperative that your kids see you engaging in positive and healthy relationships. This means being supportive of your spouse, resolving conflict in a positive manner, and showing your affectionate side. If you’re not together, you should still be supportive of their efforts, be able to handle conflict amicably, and show that you can get along for the common goal of raising your children as co-parents.

Pick Up a Hobby

Dads shouldn’t be all work and no play, your kids need to understand having a healthy balance between the two. You can be a great role model by picking up a hobby or two and indulging on occasion. Who knows, your hobbies could be something that your children are interested in which would give you the perfect opportunity to educate them and bond.

Don’t be Afraid to Show Emotion

Here’s a hard one for some dads. Men are often taught to swallow their emotions or to only deal in two emotions happiness and anger. Your children need to see different. They need to see that it is okay to express yourself, no matter what those emotions are. Don’t be afraid to let them see you show affection, get sad on an emotional movie, or even being upset. Knowing that you can have feelings and move past those emotions constructively is a lesson they’ll need throughout life.

Your kids need positive people they can look up to. It is essentially how they navigate life at such as young age. As their father, you are often one of the first adults they encounter. They watch your every move and hang on your every word. If you want to provide them with the best foundation possible, being a positive role model yourself is a great place to start.

College 101: What Parents of University Students Should Know

March 14, 2017 By Herman Davis Leave a Comment

Throughout many American households, going to college is an expectation for children, but planning for this can be a big step for any family, especially when the expenses could bust the family’s budget. For parents of first-generation college students, the summer before your child leaves can without a doubt be both exciting and frightening.

It’s common for parents to have worries about their children being on their own for the first time. As a matter of fact, once a child leaves home for college, it can become one of the most challenging times as a parent.

Your child will have lots of freedom, and you won’t be able to see them as often.

This is completely normal and understandable; but to allow your child room to grow as an individual, he or she may have to deal with situations on their own without running to you (as a first option).

Here are some tips on how to successfully parent your college student:

Preparing for Your Child’s College Career

Begin planning your child’s financial budget: Teaching your kids how to work within a budget pays off big time in the long run. Even when they’re young, kids are ready to learn the basics and as they get older, including them in your own budget planning helps them develop good habits from the start.

Believe it or not, teaching credit is like teaching your child good manners-you need to have it, and you need to know when to use it. That being said, be sure to explain how credit affects your lifestyle. Don’t be afraid to tell them how credit is measured, and what is considered a good credit score. These are the discussions that will help your child understand that credit can be used as a tool. It also gives them power over their financial decisions whether it’s applying for a student loan refinance (after college), or applying for multiple scholarships to help reduce the amount of money owed back to the government. Whatever the case maybe, planning your child’s budget will definitely benefit them down the road.

Keep in touch: A cell phone can be an amazing way to stay in contact, or it can be, as some students put it, an “electronic leash.” Most parents, in fact, find that as students start to become more absorbed in campus life, they hardly ever respond to phone calls, emails, and other means of communication. If this has happened to you as a parent, you are not alone. Keep calling, try instant messaging, and send care packages. Your student will appreciate hearing from you, even if for some reason, they don’t respond. Visiting during parent and family weekend, is also another great way to stay connected.

Gathering essential school supplies: The excitement of gathering items that your child will need for their dorm room or college apartment may cause them to forget that they still need school supplies too. Of course, the new adventure of college will be thrilling, but as a parent, you have to make sure your child’s still working towards their accomplishment. Make sure to put these items on their school supply list:

Laptop/printer. Generally speaking, laptops have larger screens and a keyboard that lends itself to easy content creation. This means that inserting pictures, graphics, and other elements into documents will make it much easier for students to both organize and prioritize their work.
Student planners. From exam dates to group presentations, a college student’s schedule is typically jam-packed with multiple deadlines to meet. A student planner is vital for time management and will help students stay on top of things.
Index cards. Studying using index cards is a great way to help your child learn new material. Writing the information on an index card will help your student better retain information, and the cards are easy to take on the go in case they decide to study while walking to class.
Flash drive. There’s nothing worse than losing a semester’s worth of work without the possibility of getting any of it back. Luckily, with the help of free cloud storage, such as Dropbox, Google doc, and One drive, a flash drive aren’t as big of a necessity as it was 10 years ago. There are, however, a few benefits of using a flash drive for college documents such as maintaining physical documents, and securing them.
Highlighters. These are a must for future college students. Using a highlighter helps to make the most essential information in their textbook stand out.

Get them ready for independence: Preparing for college during freshman year also means preparing students to be more independent during their last year of high school. In other words, college shouldn’t be a child’s first taste of independence or being away from home.

Leaving home, however, is no easy feat; homesickness, loneliness, stress, and anxiety are all common feelings amongst first-year college students. Signing children up for summer programs that allow them to spend time away from family enjoying the outdoors, studying, or volunteering will help them become more independent. Some universities offer summer programs to give students a chance to learn more about their surroundings while they take on their initial college courses.

These are the same programs that teach students valuable lessons about co-existing with roommates they don’t know. Students also learn how to care for their basic needs. The more responsible a rising freshman becomes, the better off they are when they walk onto a college campus.

Encourage campus involvement: Getting and staying involved is one of the most important things a student can do while in college. Being involved, just doesn’t have to deal with volunteer work. In fact, campus involvement takes on many forms, from being a member of a student organization (ASB Student Body Government), to helping a professor conduct research on a project.

As a result of their involvement, they will gain knowledge, skills, and experience in leadership, problem-solving, communication, management, and group development. Being involved also encourages and advances developed on all levels that include: intellectual, spiritual, and social.

In the long run, participating in groups at school, and attending activities on campus are all important for your child’s well-being. But being involved in everything their campus has to offer can also be dangerous for students, distracting them from their studies. That’s why it’s important for your student to ask, “How much is enough?” and “How much is too much?” to understand the difference. Your student will need to find the appropriate level of involvement for him/her.

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Thanks for the read! Did I miss anything crucial? What are some other things parents should know before their child heads off to college? Feel free to leave comments below.

The Fine Line Between Career Success & Parenting Failure

March 17, 2013 By Keagan Pearson 2 Comments

Can you really be successful in a career and in parenting at the same time?

I suppose that depends on your definition of success. Are we aiming for intrinsic satisfaction or outward achievement?

As Seth Godin might say, “Is the work an end to a means or are we concerned about the process — the art of creating something that makes a difference?”

Are we all about the “winning” or the steps that got us there?

It’s not to say that we should treat our career like a family or our family like a career, but they are not diametrically opposed.

The challenge is nurturing a passion for your work that doesn’t suck the life out of your family.

Unless you are independently wealthy, you have to make a living…and if you are like most, I would bet that your spouse does too.

So, if work is a necessity, and likewise parenting, then the logical progression would dictate that the two should live in harmony with one another.

It sounds so easy right? We all know it’s anything but.

So much of life is about the middle. In parenting and in work, the beginning and the end happen in an instant. The real story, the meat, takes place during the transition from start to finish.

Now you’ve got a decision to make.

– Will your career cannibalize your family?
– Will you decide that professional obscurity is the only way to remain a committed father?
– Or, will you choose to do work that you believe in, while being a dad that’s present and committed?

It might be a fine line, but it’s a line that we must choose to walk.

Life After High School—Helping Your Child Decide What’s Next

August 10, 2012 By Nadia Jones Leave a Comment

The family’s flown in, pomp and circumstance is blaring through the speakers and you’ve got the camera ready to go—it’s hard to believe, but your child is about to cross the stage at their high school graduation. Time sure does fly. And, while it’s a time of celebration, you, as a parent, need to be prepared for what’s to come when the party’s over—the next phase of your child’s life.

Sure, by the end of the school year many students have already finalized their plans for the immediate future, but that’s definitely not the case for everyone. Students today are faced with a myriad of options after they leave high school. Up until this point it has been so simple—pass this grade, enjoy summer vacation, repeat—but now the road ahead is unclear and almost completely up to them. They can opt to join the military, attend a traditional university or even apply for a job if they want, not to mention a slew of other options, so there’s a chance they might be a bit overwhelmed.

So what’s a parent to do if their child falls into the uncertain category? While there is no specific manual on how to properly help your child through this time of ambiguity, I can offer some tips on how to make the transition a smooth and easy one. Read on for some insight into what you should be doing.

Don’t Make Money or Distance an Issue

During this time, odds are your son or daughter has a million thoughts racing through his or her mind. So, the last thing they need is to worry about things like financial burdens and distance restraints. Sure, these are things they need to consider as they take this next step, but they don’t need your constant nagging and reminding about them, especially in the initial phases of the process.

This is essentially their first attempt at adulthood, so let them do this on their own. They are at a point in their lives where they have the freedom to really attempt anything, and they don’t need your negativity limiting their options. Let them research schools and browse programs, and when it looks like they have narrowed it down to one or two possibilities, delicately broach the subject. Odds are they will come to you for your input anyway, but if you are shoving your two cents down their throat they will definitely shut you down—something you may have experienced in prior situations.

So, for the time being, bite your tongue when you want to remind them how expensive out of state schools can be. Fight the urge to express how much you’ll miss them if they choose to study abroad for a year. I promise you’ll get the opportunity to speak your peace, but now is definitely not the time.

Don’t Impose Your Own Hopes and Desires

Similar to the first tip, this one stresses the importance of silencing your own personal bias and judgment when it comes to your child’s future. So you want them to be a world-renowned surgeon, even though they can’t stand the sight of blood—it’s probably not going to happen. Remember that this is YOUR CHILD’S life, not yours. Sure, by association their actions will affect your collective future, but whatever route they choose should be their choice alone. After all, they will be the ones living their lives, not you, so it’s important that they like what they’re doing. If you force a specific career, school or whatever on them and they end up hating it, you run the risk of having them resent you for the rest of their lives—not sure that’s something you want hanging over your head.

Your children are not puppets for you to steer and manipulate whatever which way you choose. They are people with their own hopes, fears, dreams and ambitions, and rather than trying to live vicariously through them, nurture and encourage their own, unique desires. I promise you will both be happier. Which brings me to my next point.

Be Supportive

No matter what your child decides they think is right for them, be supportive. If they think a trade school is right for them as opposed to a traditional college, remind them that that’s OK and you back them 100%. If they want to study an obscure topic you don’t know much about, encourage them to. Sure, there’s a chance whatever they decide won’t work out and they could potentially fail, but at least they had the drive and initiative to try in the first place. Isn’t life all about learning from our mistakes, anyways?

Look at it this way, you can either be the parent of a young adult who is on the cusp of something great but just needs to invest a little more time and effort, or you can be the parent of a young adult who was too scared to try and chose a “safe”, “normal” option out of fear. I personally would prefer the former, because it would mean that I have instilled enough self-confidence and bravery in them over the years that they now have the courage to chase their dreams. I can’t think of a better way to measure my success as a guardian. Parental support is a powerful thing and should by no means be underestimated…so use it wisely.

So regardless of the route your child chooses, whether it be to go to school, go to work or even take a year off, remember these tips. They can only help strengthen the bond you and your offspring share and will help your relationship flourish.