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Manners

Please, Thank you, and other Mythical Creatures

December 4, 2011 By Keagan Pearson Leave a Comment

During my latest visit to the happiest place on earth (Starbucks, as it’s known to the layperson), I marveled at the professionalism of the associate manning the drive-through window.

I’m guessing that he was in his early twenties, which is why it was so striking.

“How are you doing on this wonderful Saturday morning?”…was his initial comment, and that was accompanied with a genuine smile.

He was positive, enthusiastic, and shockingly polite.

I could only assume that Starbucks had done a great job of setting good expectations for their people…and this one took the training to heart.

But, is polite, courteous behavior something that’s traditionally taught by an organization?

I finally came to the conclusion that it was more probable that the young man had been raised by people who cared to teach him manners.

Seriously, when was the last time you came away from an interaction with a young person thinking, “Wow, that kid was raised right!”?

Come to think of it…when was the last time your kids surprised you with their manners?

Do you have multiple examples? Or, is it a challenge to recall the last time?

Either way, you are likely the cause…as exciting or as sobering as that may be.

A Little Gut Check

This has been a recent point of contention in my house.

My wife and I have very good intentions, and for the most part, our kids know how to be courteous towards others.

However, a strange thing happens as you get busy. You sometimes get a little lazy.

You don’t completely abandon your teaching, you just stop requiring the “please’s” and “thank you’s” or the courteous tone of voice.

Like us, you suddenly find your three year-old demanding a snack or your six year-old refusing to thank her sister for being kind.

Or, you face my personal pet peeve…your child refuses to respond to an adult when they are spoken to.

It may sound trivial, but the small things carry a lot of significance.

Yes, you’re Becoming Lax

So, what are the signs that tell you that you need to tune up your “manner meter”?

  1. When you experience polite behavior, you stand comatose and often lose control of your bodily fluids.
  2. Your child says “please” and you respond by reminding them that you don’t speak Mandarin.
  3. Your child begins any verbal interaction with you in a voice that can only be construed as yelling.
  4. When thirsty, your kids communicate with you by shaking their empty cups, as though deaf and mute.
  5. You personally do any of these things yourself.

The Answer is Simple

Of all the things you need to teach your kids, teaching them to be courteous is really not that difficult.

It simply takes presence of mind and consistency.

For example, if you want your kids to say “please” and “thank you” then require it. If their requests don’t involve these words then your answer is no…until they can ask appropriately. Or, if you want to be really hardcore, you may even deny them the request until the following day.

You should also be using the same courteous words and tone yourself.

Nothing reeks of hypocrisy like telling your kids to do something that you are unwilling to do yourself.

Your Turn

Have you had success in teaching your kids how to be polite?

Or, have you really struggled in this area?

Regardless of your experience, let us know what you’ve encountered.

You might just convince someone else that polite kids don’t have to be mythical creatures. You can actually raise one yourself!

For a nice little reference, I’ve added a video to help you along your way.

Good luck!

A Good Book of Bad Habits

November 25, 2011 By Keagan Pearson Leave a Comment

Every once in a while you run across a book that surprises you.

I am certainly not a book snob, but I have a tendency to stick to a particular style of book. One that causes you to ponder deep thoughts…and maybe one that changes you a bit in the process.

That’s why my initial thoughts of reviewing Hawkins and Laube’s “The Book of Bad Habits” were lukewarm.

Thankfully, the process of writing causes me to be open to things that I wouldn’t have been otherwise.

It Runs the Gamut

I have read few…scratch that…I have read zero books that cover topics from peeing in the shower to taking drugs.

Being that the book is meant to guide young (and not so young) men and women through the perils of misplaced (or misapplied) tendencies, it stands to reason that it would cover everything from the vile to the sophisticated.

More importantly to me, it does so with a laugh and some attention to the gross reality of our quirks and eccentricities.

And with that, the funny anecdotes are delivered alongside some strong factual expertise by Dr. Laube…who happens to be an M.D.

I mean, as a dad, I find it very useful to know that when my 4 year-old passes gas that’s loud and obnoxious, I don’t have to dawn the gas mask and retardant spray.

And who doesn’t want to fully understand that the:

“German Sociologist Norbert Elias, in his two-volume “The Civilizing Process“, records prohibitions against spitting from the Middle Ages to 1910?”

Take-Away’s to Teach Your Kids

So what did I glean from this read?

  1. We all have a little adolescent in us. We may grow older but that doesn’t exclude us from doing some of the same things we tell our kids not to do.
  2. That there’s a need for the heavy and the lighthearted. We can, and should, teach our kids about the dangers of drug use, while at the same time teaching them the need to avoid “Slobdom”.
  3. That common sense is still king. When in doubt, teach your kids to use that squishy grey thing in between their ears.
  4. That even in today’s world, courtesy still matters to people. Even with the mellowing of old-fashioned values, most people still find value in our polite efforts. Personally, my girls will know that it means something when a man opens a door for them.
  5. That you can’t temp physics. When you place a 4,000 lbs. car in a collision with a person…the car always wins. So, let’s watch where we’re walking shall we!

What Now?

First things first…buy the book. It is a quick read that will make you laugh and equip you with some nuggets that will teach you and your kids.

Next, subscribe to the blog. There are some great insights within many topics…and it’s well worth freeing up some email space.

If you’re on Facebook then why not give them a like? It’s worth the two seconds and you’ll find some topics that may spark your interest.

And, for those using Twitter, follow them. My guess is that you’ll get a chuckle in the process.

Finally, happy reading…and good luck with those bad habits!

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