President of the United States

As promised, I decided to write another post that focused on the topic of pursuing career goals while remaining a connected father.

In the previous post, under the same title, I discussed the concept of not having to choose between your career and your family. This was prompted by the President’s comments on the need of our society to develop greater flexibility in the workplace. Although I challenged the idea of not having to choose between work and family, I was curious about the probability that an organization would lessen its intrusion on the family. And not only that, but the concept of a company moving towards building in more time to accommodate family growth, was even more intriguing.

This is undoubtedly a tall order. However, I have come across some instances where companies have worked towards added flexibility for this exact purpose.

For instance, NPR recently began a series on work/family balance that contained some interesting testimonials and trends. The story initially centered on a new company start-up whose owner had experienced a traumatic disconnect from their family when they were an employee for another organization. After years of missing sporting events, plays, and dinnertime, the owner decided to develop an organization that could adapt to the busy lives of parents. This was accomplished by allowing employees to set their own schedules and to work remotely whenever they deemed necessary.

While I could fill a couple of posts detailing the options available to companies, the most interesting aspect of the research was how this kind of altered work environment is seeing more acceptance and finding more demand from employees. Many organizations are embracing the home/work link as a reality. This link proposes that if an employees’ home life is in turmoil, then there will be an adverse reaction in the workplace. From a demand perspective, it is not only parents that expect flexibility, but the millennial’s and the boomer’s are finding it necessary as well. This is especially true if they are to value their company’s employment long term.

My point of jabbering on about all these facts is that dads have more of these opportunities available to them than they may have known. Apart from the reality that some industries must have a more rigid structure (such as manufacturing), the opportunity for small but significant changes are completely plausible. Additionally, the days of suggesting that giving employees this kind of flexibility will result in a workforce of miscreants, is archaic and unsupported by current data.

So what am I suggesting here? Should guys start jumping ship and finding jobs where flexibility is more readily available? Maybe that would be the best move. However, the idea here is that many organizations have the ability to evolve in to a more accommodating workplace. Why not approach a manager or open the conversation to your peers? You would be amazed at the influence that a motivated workforce has when their ideas carry value on both sides of the argument. If our intent is to bring a greater semblance of strength and continuity to our homes, then we should not hesitate to alter our career to fit our families….and not the other way around.

As an American, there is a distinct onus placed on the fabled dream of having it all. That means having a family, a substantial vocation, and all the adorning possessions that come along with such a life. But is it possible for a father (or a mother for that matter) to have it all, or is it just a pipe dream?

In large part we are dependent on our definition of “having it all.” What may be the world to one person may be extraordinarily dissatisfying for another. So for the sake of this discussion, I will focus on the concept of the “American Dream” (work, family, status, and all the trimmings).

Being a man whose wife has sacrificially given of herself to stay home with our children, I can relate to the idea of providing for a family while maintaining a lifestyle. In fact, I wrote an article on the subject of work/family balance several months ago because of the personal nature of topic. Recently, however, I was again intrigued by the idea because of a posting by the White House, in which it discussed the Presidents intentions of opening a dialog on the subject of balancing the demands of work with the demands of the family. In the post, the President determined that there was a need for a forum that could offer suggestions on increasing the flexibility of the workplace. In large part, this was in order to adapt to the needs of the family. The President concluded in saying that this was necessary “so that working Americans did not have to choose between their careers and meeting the needs of their families.”

It was this closing statement that gave me pause. Are there really times when we don’t have to choose between our families and our careers? I may not be able to speak for the entirety of the American workforce, but as a relatively young father, I have been faced with this dilemma on several occasions. Having won some and lost some in my decision-making, I would be remiss if I said that I could have remained indifferent. If I have concluded anything from my time being a dad, it is that there are few circumstances in which sacrifices don’t have to be made. My sacrifices just happen to be in the form of diminished sleep!

Now my intent is not to paint a bleak picture of pursuing your dreams at the expense of your family, or visa-versa. However, I do think that as a country, we are very good at romanticizing away the complexity of our lives. The notion that we can embark on a tireless pursuit of “what we want” without there being an opposing affect on those closest to us, is certainly short-sighted.

But be encouraged! In the next few weeks I will provide some examples of how dads can work towards their goals while avoiding the trappings of becoming an absentee father. And no, this doesn’t mean operating on two hours of sleep, or at least not all the time!

Have Your Cake and Eat it Too (The Sequel)

Have Your Cake and Eat it Too!

President of the United States

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