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Raising Girls

5 Things Dads Must do for Their Daughters

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Raising a daughter comes with a whole world of complications – especially if you’re a single dad. You have no one there to help you when it comes to finding the perfect dress for the first day of school, or to teach you how to teach her to navigate through her changing hormones. There’s no one there to tell you to calm down when she brings home her first date, or to prepare you for the realization that your little girl isn’t so little anymore. However there are several things you can do as a single dad to help prepare your daughter for the real world.

These five things will help her be more equipped to face the world on her own when the time comes:

1. Get her a toolbox and teach her how to use it. Some girls can use tools more efficiently than their male counterparts, and others have as much interest learning about tools as they do about slugs. However even if she has zero interest in being a handy(wo)man, teaching her how to navigate through a toolbox and fix things on her own is an invaluable skill that you can give her.

2. Find a hobby you both enjoy. It’s not uncommon for dads to share similar interests with their sons and for moms to share similar interests with their daughters, but if you’re a single dad raising a little girl then you have the unique opportunity to share a hobby with your little girl. Enroll her in the swim team and practice her strokes with her during the week; let her pick a sport and then attend all the major league games in your area; spend weekends getting up early and going fishing together. These are the types of things that she’ll look back on and cherish.

3. Say no. Dads are notorious for being pushovers with their little girls, and little girls learn quickly when they have dad wrapped around their little fingers…meaning that they can coerce him into whatever they want. Say no sometimes. She’ll be better off not thinking that everything should go her away 100% of the time.

4. Teach her how to change a flat tire. While you may love coming to her rescue the first few times she has a flat tire, at a certain point she needs to be able to handle that situation on her own. Most boys learn at a young age how to quickly change a tire, while the majority of girls don’t. Don’t only teach your sons this trick, your daughter needs to know how to also.

5. Build up her self-esteem. Pay attention to her. Comfort her when she’s crying. Tell her she’s beautiful. Dance with her at weddings. Remind her that she can conquer anything if she puts her mind to it. Daughters need their dads to be heroes for them, but they also need their dads to be their biggest fans. She’ll soar knowing that she has you backing her up.

Single dads may have it a little tougher when it comes to raising girls, but they can still succeed with flying colors when it comes to raising her. Be her dad, be her hero, be her best friend.

6 Tips for Single Dads of Girls

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Growing up my father was a single dad of two twin daughters. He flew solo for a long and brutal five years; there were lots of laughs, tears, mistakes and wonderful memories. If I could go back in time and tell him what I needed from him back then, I would. I think he would have less wrinkles and gray hair if I could have done so. But we can’t, so here’s my advice for single dads of girls:

Adult Female: Make friends fast with an adult female that you are not romantically involved with. My father made friends with our teacher each year to help him when he needed it. There were days here and there throughout the year that my dad would call up our teacher and ask for advice. I specifically remember my dad sending us to school earlier than the other kids before ‘picture day’ so that my teacher could curl our hair. It’s the little things dads. Your girls need a strong and trusting female figure, whether that is a teacher, grandmother or aunt, find one and keep them on speed dial.

Hair: Whatever you do, do not pick up the curling iron unless you are a professional hair stylist. Curled bangs were big back then and so were burnt foreheads. If your daughters are too young to do their own hair, I suggest you learn three hair tricks. Headbands are instant and easy. You can never go wrong with a ponytail. And learn to braid. Be sure that they wash and towel dry their hair every night and run a comb through it. Remember that your little girl’s head is sensitive so avoid pulling the pony to tight, headaches dad, headaches.

Clothes: It’s really a no win here. Your goal is to get them clothed in something appropriate and preferably pink. Typically that is the color little girls are drawn too. Try a trick of setting out their clothes the night before and don’t make it a big fuss. It doesn’t have to match but at least try. Skip mixing patterns and trying to match colors. A simple bottom with a simple top.

Fights: Little girls will fight with their sisters and other little girls until the cows come home. Boys fight, hit and then get over it. With little girls, there will be tears, buckets of tears and emotional breakdowns. Whatever you do, don’t say ‘I don’t know why you are crying’ or ‘honey, it’s no big deal’ if don’t want to hear screaming. During a fight or post fight tears session, be calm and just hug them. That is all. Let them cry it out and tell them your fatherly advice AFTER they are done crying.

Boys: Little girls don’t typically get interested in boys until middle school. So rest assured if your daughters have little boy friends, they are safe. Obviously, always monitor any play sessions but have no worries. Girls will get crushes and once pre-teens role around, that’s when you need to watch for the boys. It’s all rainbows and butterflies with boys until they hit middle school, then step up the security and lectures.

Hugs: When in doubt, just give them a hug. Girls are very emotional and physical beings; it may feel uncomfortable and out of your realm but a simple hug can go a long way. If she is happy, sad, scared or tired, a hug does wonders. Plus, there’s nothing like a good old bear hug from dad to start the day off right.

Tips for “Dating” Your Daughter

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Fathers have a special responsibility to their daughters. The relationship that daddies have with their daughters becomes a model for relationships they will have with men when they are older. Not to mention what kind of treatment they should expect. Setting a good example when they are young is critical to helping them seek out healthy relationships later.

One way that fathers can set this example is by “dating” their daughters. Fathers can make it a priority to spend special one-on-one time with their daughters, modeling appropriate behavior for a male companion and deepening the father-daughter bond at the same time.

Here are some tips for making the most of these special daddy-daughter “dates:”

Choose Opportunities for Quality Time

A trip to the movies is often fun, but special daddy-daughter dates should offer opportunities for quality one-on-one time. Look for activities that allow you to talk, to get to know one another better, and to bond. Do creative activities together like crafts or art, go for walks together, or enjoy a dinner out together. Whatever activity you choose, there should be opportunities for you to talk and to share your thoughts.

Make it Special

When you ask your daughter for a “date,” make sure your time together is special. Dress in nice clothes. Arrange for a specific time to “pick her up.” Tell her how much you are looking forward to spending time with just her. You want to let your daughter know that spending time with her is important, and that you value your relationship with her individually.

Model Behavior for Her

On your daddy-daughter date, you should be setting an example for the type of behavior she can expect from a male companion. Make sure the example you set is a good one. Open the door for her. Focus on what she has to say. Offer her choices. Offer to get her a drink refill or a snack. Show your daughter that courtesy and chivalry are not dead, and that she should expect to be treated with kindness and respect.

Focus the Attention on Her

When you are spending time with your daughter, make sure the focus is on her. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted by thoughts about what you have to do at work that day, or the fight you had with your wife before you left. Make sure you are fully engaged and present.

Keep your cell phone out of sight. Don’t text or check your e-mails, and don’t answer calls. If you happen to run into people that you know while you are out, say hello but minimize your conversation. Treat your daughter as you would a female companion on whom you were trying to make a good impression, and show her that spending time with her is your priority and your pleasure.

Make It a Regular Occasion

Daddy-daughter dates shouldn’t be reserved for her birthday or for holidays like Valentine’s Day. They should be a regular occasion. Decide what works best for your schedule — once a week? Once a month? — And stick to it. Your daughter will start to look forward to this special time you get to spend together, and you will be able to strengthen your relationship as a result.

Being a father to a daughter means that you have special responsibilities. One of them is to model healthy relationships with men so that she is better positioned to choose a partner who treats her with dignity and respect. Regularly taking your daughter on “dates” will give you the opportunity to model that behavior and to strengthen your bond with your daughter.

Do you take your daughter on daddy-daughter dates? What are some of your ideas for date activities? Share your ideas in the comments!